Today, January 6, 2020, my husband and I are celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary. We have been blessed beyond measure and I am happy to say we have had a good 13 years together. I’m looking forward to what the Lord has instore for us over the next 13 years.

Recently, some engaged friends of ours were assigned to meet with another “mentor” couple as part of their pre-marital counseling. They asked if we would answer some questions and share some advice. As I made notes for what I would say, I realized that these things could be a blessing to others as well and so I made plans to write this post for my 13th anniversary. So, here it is! Maybe the things I have learned over the years will bless another couple’s marriage.

1) A marriage is a team.

You win or fail together.

2) Be thankful for what he/she did do, instead of dwelling on what he/she didn’t do.

I learned about this when I would come home from an event expecting that my husband had cleaned the kitchen or something other chore and it wouldn’t be done. As soon as I stopped expecting this and instead was thankful that he took care of our daughter so I could go, I was a much happier person.

3) Count your blessings, but don’t keep score.

This goes with #1. If you are a team, you’re on the same side. Teammates don’t keep score against each other.

4) Keep on the lookout for Satan’s lies.

Satan will tell you all sorts of lies about each other. Don’t listen to him and look for the truth instead.

5) Respect each other’s needs.

My husband needs a lot more sleep than I do. It took me a long time to allow him to rest when he needed it and not get upset that he wasn’t spending time with me.

6) Submission takes trust.

Love leads to trust and trust makes submission easy. It’s difficult to submit if you don’t feel they have your best interest at heart. I can submit to my husband because I know he will not do anything to intentionally harm or hurt me.

7) If it’s not important, let it go.

Pick your battles. If it really doesn’t matter, than don’t make a big deal about it. Just put it behind you and move on. You’ll be better off for it.

8) Don’t ever degrade, embarrass, or correct your spouse in public.

In public means in front of anyone, including family. The first two should never be done at all. But if correction is needed, be sure you’re alone.

9) Be careful about pushing each other’s buttons.

And if you do, don’t be surprise by their reaction. Be patient with each other’s idiosyncrasies.

10) Your marriage is your marriage.

You do what works for you. Don’t make decisions for your home based on what others think.

11) Be upfront and honest.

No tricks and no games (and I’m not talking about board games).

12) Fight Fair

That means if one is tired, put off the discussion until later. This goes back to respecting each other’s needs.

13) Be quick to forgive.

Quicker to apologize.